31st of January 2013
Dear Blogger,
It has been awhile since my last visit here. I believe I've forgotten you for quite sometimes. I used to express my feelings here where there is no rules or boundaries or conspiracy that will take me for my word cause here, is my sanctuary, place where no people gives a damn.
Today I feel no different, tired as fuck cause I just got better a little bit from sick; but since I am having insomnia I might as well write something down here till I feel sleepy.
24th April 2010, that's the date I committed myself into a relationship where I swear I'd make my girlfriend wearing her smiling face every time she talk to me. Unfortunately, I failed to keep the promise. I had a several fights with my girlfriend, HUGE several fights to be honest, the talking kind not the violent kind. We didn't talk for few days...
Love Fight is a stupid game, who talks first will be the loser and guess what, I'm kinda sucker for this game cause I'm a boy. Talk, you lose, don't talk you lose also cause you are being such a jerk which everybody will say that I'm an ego pathetic jerk who can't even tolerate his girlfriend. I've believe I given enough ground for both of us. I believe I done what I can for her to make her feel happy; but what I am I can't change, at least not in a short notice.
I had friends, who don't know what's going on but I'd prefer them not to cause it will be a hassle to explain to them what happen and to be frank, I don't like to talk about my personal life to everybody, it makes her look bad and of course will make me look bad. My friends, they always ask me out recently, to spend money like lunch, dinner, badminton, walking around a mall and such. As much as I like to be alone in my room laying on my bed, one of my friends actually came up my room once just to ask me go out; and with the events that are occurring during that time, maybe it was time to get some fresh air.
I miss talking to people. I talk a lot, I talk about everything. I talk about everything except everything that is related to me. People wondered why I always joking around and never take things seriously. Well, maybe I thought that if I took things seriously, they would have matter to me, things that matter can hurt me. I'm a people person, I please people. Whenever a person starts to tease me or belittle me, I show no respond, I figured that if I had care for those comments I would have start punching people or hurting someone real bad. That's why now I am unresponsive to rude comments and they thought that I'm just very easy going. Better to have friends than enemy right?
Miss my old days with my bunch of friends, guess I will be only seeing them during new year but some of them is not coming back. it would have seems like people likes to dismiss me but what the heck I am not in the right mind now.
Peace Out~
-KeN-
Just 30 minutes ago, I almost want to hit my friend in the face so hard that I kept myself holding very very hard and bleed-ed my palm while holding the fist. So many years, so the 1st time that urge came to me, the feel that I want to punch someone so hard that he would cry for forgiveness, beg for mercy and yet I hold myself good. Its not because I'm great, its because I'm still able to think, for my other friend and my girlfriend. If I would be myself today here, I'm sure I'd punch him and smash him with everything around me without considering the consequences.
Today's flame is unusual, being so big that I can't still barely put it off even now writing this very post. People at fire still doing the annoying stunt and provoking that would probably make himself hurt. Yes Ken, you're rational, you didn't lose the fight, you just won cause you kept quiet and let him bullshit you, and you did great there. Gods know whos being a dick and I do believe in karma. If I did unleash the demon inside me, I'd regret my whole life being that part of me again.
-KeN
It's been awhile since I last posted something here. I guess there is no place for me to actually write down something that nobody cares to listen ain't it eh, blogger? So, blogger, here is my story.
Dear Blogger,
I was really expecting this semester to come, because most of my friends are coming back from all places, but what I didn't expected is that people changes. Through out my weeks in Uni, I release I wasn't doing much, going to lecture/tutorials and then go home, like a programmed robot. Where's my friends? They are really busy about something else, and only choose to come out during I was in the middle of something which I'm pretty much upset that I can't join them. Although they done that a several time, knowing that I was unavailable, I didn't get mad at them, because what I thought of maybe it's my fault my time doesn't fits.
The feelings grew stronger until that day, I went to K-Box with a friend. That day is the 1st day that I gather around with a bunch of friends (the other gang which doesn't really meets a lot though) watching movie since quite awhile ago, although a friend doesn't want to join because the movie is boring for him. I realize after the K-Box session, I feel released, but then emotional came. What am I to my friends? Who am I to you?
For those who knows me, I'm the egoist. I can't deny the fact that I am pretty much ego and hateful sometimes because I'm self-centered. Everything is about me, what about others? I never really care much about that do I? So why do people have to care to me? Those question, until now I still haven get an answer. What is it that I seek for? Care? Love? or just a someone to talk to?
I look very happy in the photo.. How would I wish you cook take a photo inside of me..
-KeN
Through these days, I've been asking a lot people what am I like, what do they think of me. I did this because I'm curious what do people think of me, I'm curious about how do they look and value me and also the position within them. Therefore, what I'm about to tell you all is those comment that people gives.
First of all, A LOT people said I'm stupid/idiot/low on IQ etc. This comment I seriously have no idea why. Oh well, the fact that I'm being stupid my friends get to laugh around why not? Secondly, I've been told that I'm funny and kinda weird in some way. Well, I can see this coming though, as I keep joking around. Then, there are also people said I'm an egoist, which I myself pretty much admit, having too much pride/dignity for a person causing a lot troubles to my friends (I'm seriously sorry >.<); some said I'm quite easy going, not hard to mix in as I'm socialize?(hehehe...)
Besides all those above things, being careless/clumsy is one of my personality too! I couldn't survive without my friends helping me, especially those in Swinburne. Meanwhile, got one group of friends, only that particular group said that I like to be "emo", self centered and "stubborn". Well, I seriously not being aware of being "emo" all the time as just sitting there being quiet or writing some lyrics is just me. I can't help to change myself into some other people would I? If so you all wouldn't be taking a liking of the ME you know of already would you?(xDD) As for self centered and stubborn, seriously, I would say its because of my egoism. Some how the decision I made is hard to change because of my "egoism" and being self centered because I thought what's good for you all and didn't take into account of the person's feelings (gain this nice info from a super good friend of mine! Thank you! xD).
That's all I get from. If you got any new things, please do come and tell me, I'd like to hear about it, because what's wrong to know more about yourself? xDD
不久以前，一早起床觉得有点不对劲，感觉身体不听使唤，头晕晕的，以为是刚起床所以才这样。刷牙洗脸了，走下楼梯想要喝杯水，不知道怎么就踏空了摔了一跤可好像没什么感觉这样，难道神经还没睡醒吗？我不管那么多，下去喝了水，跑上楼梯躺在床上，想要眯下眼睛休息休息，谁知道起来是已经晚上了，头发烧，连下床都没力了。
我老妈好心煮了晚餐，我心想还是下去吃吧，不然又要挨她骂了。吃完了，走上楼，看看一下电脑，看看可否有人找我，只见到我的msn断线了。为了不打扰那些在读书的朋友们，我就appear offline暗地里查看是否有人想我xDD
可能是我的错觉，不过好像那一天有个帅哥好像在暗示我为什么一整天不见了，他的msn的pm里面写着"did anyone realise that SOMEONE is already missing whole day? xD"。心里有点暗爽到这样，可是也没力气去应酬他，就爬到床上躺了。
躺在床上，很顺手的我就拿起在桌上的电话，看看有没有人找我。才发现到那些我在凌晨找的朋友们都回我信息了，只是早上回了他们一半我就KO了。有个几个靓女还蛮关心我的，特地打电话来问我怎么了（可能是因为我没回她），可是我没听到，还有一个跟我啰里啰唆说教我一些助眠的方法等等。
睡了一觉，在凌晨不知道是被msn吵醒还是自然醒，就看见又有一个美女找我，问我是不是appear offline。我还蛮惊讶的说，她怎么知道的？然后就跟我胡说了一大堆东西，但我觉得不是有事才找我，而是可能为了另一个晚上的事情觉得有点内疚，害我不敢online找人家谈天之类的？过了不久，又多一个死小孩想太多，问我昨晚找她干什么，是不是伊默之类的东西。当我跟她讲没有这种事情的时候，她好像还蛮失望的，唯恐天下不乱吗？你那种过分期待心让我感到不安，是关心，还是鸡婆。xDDD
第二天，人呢，就比较好了，可是还是头晕晕的。我很享受那种给人关心的感觉，就因为这样我还是消失了一整天一直到凌晨。这时有点失望的说，怎么连个鬼影都没看到的？那个帅哥的pm换掉了，我那时还有点gek diok~ 算了，上下facebook看看，只看到一个白痴说要被糖果之类的东西压死算了因为考试压力太大。另外还有两个客串的来帮忙她spam她的wall，其中一个就是昨晚msn问我是不是 appear offline的美女。
第三天，我好了，我好心online下，希望有人会问我怎么消失那么久，我还真他妈期望太高了，去问一个靓仔有否想我，他说他还比较想念时间。天哪~~ 心碎了~~不过算了，谢谢那些关心我的人，让我有那么一小段时间爽到，那些没关心我的，你们。。。。还是算了吧！哼！
Sometimes in my life, I wanted a nothing box, a box containing nothing at all; a pitch black empty box which full of darkness.
I haven been sleeping not quite well all these days, having all emotional all the sudden while everything just went perfectly fine for me as far as I'm concern. For few days having somewhat a similar dream, a dream of a kid being an asshole ruin other people's life. For 3 days wake up from such a nightmare, what does this suppose to mean? I have no idea at all. First of all, who is this kid, he looks so young that I can't really tell how old is he; second of all, why the hell am I having this dream for 3 days straight?
The lack of sleep makes me pretty much moody and I'm pretty much stressed as exams are near and I had nothing in mind. Somehow my attitude isn't that good recently, somewhat like to think some unnecessary things which drown my mood even more.
I've longed a comfortable sleep, a thoughtless night. When was my last peaceful night again? I had a feeling of uneasiness, an uncomfortable feeling, what was it? I can't tell, even though I wanted to speak out my feelings, what is it that I want to tell? What's the reason I'm feeling so uneasy? Everything seems to be fine so what is wrong with me? Am I too free until that I must be emotional for NOTHING at all just to be fine or is it really something inside of me that I'm not aware of? Sigh.. I'm afraid of sleeping...
I wished my brain will went dead when I sleep so that I will think absolutely nothing at all, this brain of mine is too sophisticated to begin with.
写着文章的目的，是因为最近发现我的周围出现很多不懂这四维的人，当中包括我的朋友们，认识的人，点头之交以及看过去很熟却又不认识的人。
国之四维，礼仪廉耻，四维不张，国乃灭亡。这句话应该很多人读过，也很多人知道这是什么意思，却没有人把这句话当一回事，然而只把这句话当成考试所用的句子，或者是批评人的工具自己却没有很好。国之四维，礼仪廉耻，四维不张，国乃灭亡，简单的说，礼仪是一个社会的根本制度，廉耻是个人的根本原则，然而这四维是治国的基本要素，一个国家如果没有这四维，那就很容易灭亡了。
礼，就是礼貌，我发现很多人都缺乏这样东西，难道现代社会正在流行“时光倒流”吗？人越来越没文化，比深山野人还要没文化。你很可能会这样想，“哇老！！KeN！！你怎么这么帅？!”; 或者你们比较可能会这样想，“为什么这样说呢？”。通常人家帮了你的忙，就算不感激也好歹说声谢谢，人家以后会帮你。现代人，超实际的，没用到你时，六亲不认，招呼都不打，用到你时，像条哈巴狗，不帮还给脸色看。用完了，拍拍屁股走人，谢谢都没有，我说你妈有没有教你仁义道德的？这么没教养，我家养的那两条狗看到我回来都会摇摇尾巴欢迎我回来，帮人都还不如养条狗那样。
仪，就是仪表。所谓人靠衣装佛靠金装。内在美固然重要，外在美也是不可以忽略的。做人第一印象很重要，好比我吧，我好出名的，人家看到我都很想狠狠地在我脸上给个拳印，有时给人散播谣言说我很帅，往往换来我的眼泪，不是因为我感动，而是人家不服给人骗了说我不符合标准拿我来出气。人长得很抱歉不用紧，所谓金玉其外，败絮其中，长得帅的人不一定是好人，而我就例外。人长得丑不是你的错，不要怪你父母为什么把你生到这样，不要怪他们因为为了一时的快感而忽略了你，所以不要自责。但是，如果你出去吓人，这就是你的错！样子长得抱歉就乖乖呆在家里了，不要到处去吓人！人吓人会吓死人的！
廉，就是廉洁，做人要光明磊落，不要偷偷摸摸，鬼鬼祟祟。可想而知，现代人很市侩，看到钱什么都可以，有钱能使鬼推磨，这句话一点都没错。好比一个朋友，生气了为了让他消气还得买名牌的东西给他吃，比如：Ferreror Rocher/Toblerone/Starbucks等等。我可怜那些没钱的，怎么样度过这可悲的现代社会？难道就任由他们放肆吗？表面可能跟你没什么事情，后面藏着一把抢准备把你给毙了。世界渐渐腐败在这里我祝我自己早日得到平安和财富，所以以后日子没这么难过。
耻，就是知耻。这也是大部分现代人无法拥有的特点之一，脸皮厚到~~~~马六甲去（如果你喜欢吉隆坡也可以），普通枪弹是不可能打得进的了。这种不知羞耻的人的特点是：身高一定不可能是180cm，也不可能戴眼镜，他驾的Volvo里面没有Luffy的，没有 Xperia X2 和 Nokia 2600这么高级的电话，blogger网址一定不是“kw6465.blogspot.com”！小弟我很常跟朋友出去吃午餐，这么多地方我最怕去King Center天一。在那里我每次都很习惯的被吓两到三次，一次是叫饮料时看到人妖在take order，第二次是人妖跟我们收钱，如果不幸那时没给准数还要吓多一次，因为他还要回来还我们散钱。这些人就是不知耻！明明是男的为什么要穿裙？而且还是短裙。穿裙就算了，人家看你还以为人家觉得你漂亮，甩甩你的秀发，觉得很自豪。天哪，这社会是病了吗？我觉得有时候我一个朋友好幸福，因为她是瞎的，这一切一切给她都可能是一种朦胧的美。
好了，解释完毕。在这里我希望你们会知道什么是礼义廉耻，不要到处丢人现眼，帮帮这个生病的社会恢复它应该有的样子。
-终
-KeN
