I can't really sleep, so I've decided to write something here to kill some time.

So, there were this day where I had a little talk with a old friend of mine who I don't really talk to since long time ago and also a very very good friend. He wanted a song from me which he can't really find it on web and since I'm such a iTunes for anyone, I somehow find the song he was looking for. So we had a little chat, and then he shoot off a question asking me, why do I look so emotional lately.

I know I'm emotional lately and I'm sorry for that, cause that's not what I wanted to. So, this friend of mine, happens to follow my blog, reading this very post and I thank you, said that I shouldn't be so emotional. He said that I should cheer up and just overlook the things happened. Well, apparently I just can't, and he said my jackass attitude never changes. I'm a kind of person that always think of others 1st before I think of myself. When I see that, I was kind of happy look that compliment. He said that, how come would I so blindly help a person without considering the consequences I face later, quoting from the case that I helped him during the year me and him was a die hard friend.

After the little chit chat, I realize something pretty important, I do really consider other people than myself. At 1st I thought it was a compliment, but then it was a bad comment. Considering other people 1st is a good thing, what is bad that I never take into account about things that will happen to me and then make my friends guilty about it. It'll cause hatred. Most of my friend said I'm helpful in a way but also hateful in a way, despite that the "I do what I can" attitude of mine, and the aftermath I'll face later, I totally understand now.

For friends, I'm willing to do anything I can to make them acknowledge me. To be frank that I'm actually scared to be left out in whatsoever way. I know I've been very protective against people, and I'm pretty much aware of my annoying talk style that many people hates, still not letting go of my ego and said that I don't care, but then what's inside of me is not the same as what I said. I do care about what people think of me, that's why I keep myself useful for the reason. If I were not to care, I won't be emotional with all the blog post these days.

Anyways, I have no idea what I'm writing here now, just plain text from brain to this blog post. It's time for me to sleep and calm down. Nights peeps!

Peace Out!

-KeN-